Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
