can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
