Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
