At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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