Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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