SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
