Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
