Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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