I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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