Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
