We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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