Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
