And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Fuck appropriateness.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
