Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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