hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
