its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
