Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Porn is love you can see.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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