3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
