The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
