Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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