matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
