it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
