Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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