I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
