i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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