Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
