Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
