hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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