Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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