Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
