Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
