I hate all girls vehemently.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
