I bet he comes in French.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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