when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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