Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
