Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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