you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
