This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
