dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
