She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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