There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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