The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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