If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
