Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
