I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
