My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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