i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
