I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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