I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
