Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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