At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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