This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
