Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
