Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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