Pappa wants mamma naked
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
